Do you ever wonder what the minimum requirement of intelligence is necessary to get hired by a stripper? Well let me tell you. After applying to manage The Pony in Pensacola Florida I went down a rabbit hole that led me to this answer.
The Pony Gentleman’s club has a website. That’s about all I have to say about it. It’s made in WordPress, as the icon suggests (unless this is a 200 IQ miss direction) and hosts a single page linking to their Facebook page and Instagram page.
When clicking on the facebook link it takes you to this page. It’s possible that the page is age restricted and I have to log into facebook to view it, but I would rather drag my balls through broken glass before trying to reset my password on facebook. The facebook page that this link directs me to implies that even if I did log in, I wouldn’t be able to see what’s going on.
Instagram? Only a little more information.
Regardless, as my friend Isaac would say… “I ain’t doin’ all that” … to see what should be available on their website. Anyway, no place to put a resume. What The Pony of Pensacola does have, is an X page. There’s a joke there somewhere but i’m not making it, I’m on a mission.
The Pony is part of a larger conglomerate of strip clubs all located in the South East, all owned by MAL Entertainment. malentertainment.com seems much more put together than the child companies’ websites that make it up.
And what is this? Now Hiring? Great, a form to fill out.
I can only imagine what kind of nightmare this page could potentially cause to the website admin. Hopefully there’s no way for a bad actor to execute their own arbitrary code by inputting some form of sql injection, but that’s neither here nor there, and I’m not a black hat hacker.
I continued to try to find places one would express interest in employment at The Pony and stumbled upon this link, to a jwp.formstack.com link.
And that link, no shit, goes to the best application form I have ever seen.
Starting off strong, a logo, and some basic information to input, standard stuff.
Until you get to the bottom
After the laziest attempt at learning about work history pictured above, it has five (5) required questions, four (4) of which are 3rd grade level arithmetic problems. I would give a lot to see some of the submissions to this form. Frankly I started giggling when I saw this. What kind of people were interviewed SO FREQUENTLY that there arose a need to set this filter. It makes me want to answer in the form of multidimensional calculus questions that, when completed, have the same answer as these times tables. I mean they did ask me what these problems were equivalent to. I know it’s dorky but its also elitist, and that’s the line I like to walk. Not sure I could represent them in ASCII though. Anyway, if you want to be a stripper, you have to be able to do addition with decimals. I wonder what percent of applicants would be filtered out if there was a problem involving fractions.
⅔ + ⅗ = ?
You may be wondering why I wrote this. A couple reasons. Right now it is terribly formatted. Links don’t go where they need to, things aren’t organized well. The images and text tell a story together and need to be adjacent to do so. If everything looks kind of mangled, that is why. If it looks organized and well structured… well I figured it out. If this isn’t accessible from my home page, then it’s probably been archived because talking about strippers is a little too silly for whatever I’m doing at the time.
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